Father: Can you hear me?
Kid: I can hear you!
Father: Do you trust me?
Kid: I trust you!
Father: Do you trust me?
Kid: I trust you!
[Pursuit of Happyness]
So one morning, my mom and I bonded over breakfast of tortilla wraps, lettuce, chicken, pesto sauce, and coffee. Guess what we talked about? Relationships.
“The point is Aix, be comfortable with your situation right now (referring to me being ‘on my own’). Your dad came in at the end of that long line,” mom said. She says this a lot and I believe her. Especially with the fact that she was indeed one of what college students would call ‘campus figures’ — therefore used to have a lot of choices before dad came along. Choices. Now that’s the one word I would title our breakfast conversation with.
In short we both made exchanges of stories: I told her what she didn’t know and she basically retold me accounts of her family history. How my grandfather took a literal embodiment of the bible’s Abraham (“Your children will be as many as the stars you see”) and how that drove my grandmother (may she rest in peace) to a heart breaking life of madness. During that time, all my mom could do was talk to God to ease the pain and help her carry on with her life as normally as she could. Which she successfully pulled of, thanks to Him.
ALL THAT. And she was rewarded with my dad, six kids they both love to hell (one of which is a John Doe in heaven, our angel), a son-in-law they’re proud of, and the cutest little tyke on Earth for a grandson.
“Aix, don’t settle to be just one of the choices. If a man views you that way, he could just keep running off looking for other prospects — possibly for the rest of your life,” she said, striking my innards only a mom could. I suddenly pictured what the life of my grandmother had been. Depressed and disappointed, half limping her way through the one life she had. I was there for a time. I was one of the choices and what my mom said made me grateful that I got out of it when I did.
“You were lucky, ma. My ideal family is OUR family. How could I be as lucky as you?” I finally said. She smiled at me as she nibbled her lettuce like a cowboy nibbling on toothpick. “You know,” she started, “Whenever they would sing ‘Our Father’ at mass, I would be in tears. I talked to God as much as I could growing up, and I still do. I didn’t give Him a list of what I want or may need, I just kept talking to Him. And He.. He knew what I needed and provided them at the time He deemed necessary. He’s like a father who knew what I needed before I even asked for it.”
That’s true. Who knew she needed to study in Los Banos so she could meet my dad? Who knew it was my dad who will be faithful to her and would make her his ‘only one’ for the rest of his life? Who knew they would have such a family, through thick and thin working their way out into the world? Only He did, and only He could work out such a detailed and perfect plan for anyone. “Establish your relationship with God first before you establish a relationship with someone, and believe me He will take care of the rest,” mom concluded.
So I suppose this is a note to all of us ladies. Don’t settle, never find contentment in someone who is and never will be contented with you and the qualities that are unique to you. As far as you are concerned, you’re the only choice there is, the only one. There’s a man out there who will value that in you above his need for equity and his search for the ‘perfect one’. And he will find you, wherever you may be in this world. Just let God take over.
