Needless to say (but I’m saying it anyway), Christmas will not be Christmas without dear friends and the most cherishing tradition of love and family.
I hope you had a swell Christmas! :)
I only have two words to accurately describe how my June went: rain and good byes.
The Philippines entered the gloomy climate once again, as expected of this time of the year. And it followed in the most inconvenient manner that heavy traffic going to work and going back home were to be part of the norm–again. I love rain when I can ceremoniously appreciate it from the dry side of a window. I abhor heavy traffic. The mix of both in one ride to or from work has been very confusing. Hah!
My eldest sister and 4-year-old nephew, Ozzy, left for Malaysia. Real family drama is what I’d call it. I spent almost the whole day of their scheduled flight fighting back tears and trying not to break down in my office workstation. It will be a while before we can have a complete family picture again. But they’re happy (according to my sister’s latest report) and that matters way more than a picture.
We also had to say good bye to a very close friend from the office. It’s sad in the sense that our clique (yes, it’s a clique) has been seeing one resignation after another. But try as I might to feel sad about the leaving, I’m starting to see it as a fact of life. Change and whatever it may require of anyone simply happens, and it’s always for the good.
The last bit that literally closed my June was me saying good bye to my position as a copy writer. Just in time for July, I said hello to me being our department’s first ever Junior Producer! Crazy, I know. But I’m liking it so far. Will update you soon. *wink*
I’m calling this my Life Appreciation Entry. Hah! Simply because my visit to the hospital today turned out to be my clearance from whatever it was my body was going through. Thanks to those who prayed with me, the ones who accompanied me in every hospital visit, and to my very supportive relatives who helped my parents in the decisions we had to make last month. Snaps for us? Definitely.
So I guess I’m back to my regular programming! By this I mean actually finish reading a book this month (and not just my office’s published chick lits), stop drinking the meds I had been chugging,
be less cranky, blog more (as demonstrated by this entry), and simply enjoy waking up every day without the unusual worries!
The one irregular thing–about me at least–that came out of this was the need to revamp my habits into healthier ones. I honestly don’t know where and how to start the vegetable intake thing. But in terms of “fitness”, I did jog last Monday for a good eight minutes! EIGHT FRIGGIN’ MINUTES! Don’t judge. I’m pushing for 10 this coming Monday. *grin*
How about that for my first Life Appreciation entry? Lol. Here are some scenes from the week that was. Hope you had a great week to close today!
I have resigned myself to the fact that there is no one perfect job. But every single imperfect job isn’t exempted from great highlights that motivate you and give you your winning days. Mine are the books my teammates and I create ads for, most especially when I find enough time to read them from cover to cover before conceptualizing their ads.
I have to admit, this one was a definite fun read. :)
Our bodies are like ticking time bombs.
At least that’s what I began pondering on when I found myself in the hospital for a couple of times last week. The number of medicines I need to take (and the manner in which I should take them) amounted to something close to an algorithm. See below:
Step 1: Take medicines W, X, Y, and Z after breakfast.
Step 2: Take medicines Y and Z after lunch.
Step 3: Take medicines W and Z after dinner.
Step 4: Repeat steps 1, 2, and 3 for two weeks.
Step 5: Schedule for a hi-tech procedure that requires sedation.
Step 6: If, on not-so-rare occasions, one or two of these medicines cause migraines or 24-hr nausea, consider discontinuation of said medicines.
Step 7: Of course, consult the doctor first before doing anything stupid such as Step 6.
Can you imagine how easy it is to threaten a life? A few abnormal cells, and people get cancer. A little pressure in the internal organs, and people bleed. In these oftentimes life-altering reminders of death’s reality, everything else cease to matter. What we consider material becomes irrelevant, and the immaterial reveals itself to be the most important.
Our bodies are like ticking time bombs. This is the kind of reminder I am
very most grateful for.
A few minutes ago, before I said good night to my siblings and began pounding my fingertips on the keyboard, I nonchalantly exclaimed (as if it had to be heard), “I need to write about my Holy week reflection! Otherwise, Holy week won’t happen!” A complete exaggeration.
Now here I am, a little clueless on how to write what I need to write. My mind has been scattered these past few weeks (should I say months?) and my emotions have been a perfect panorama of a storm. Some days are calm and peaceful. While there are days filled with worry and unsolicited pain, of which I was either the inflicted or the inflictor.
I’m stating these with no intentions of jiving into the drama of the season. I’m stating these as facts. For some reason, I have been a little more difficult than usual to both myself and the people around me. I beat myself for not being good enough, and it follows that I treat people the same way I’ve been treating myself. You think it stops there? I’ve also been consequentially angry at myself for being the way I’ve been (as if that would help anything).
“Lord! Make me less of a human!” I found myself desperately shouting in my head while I was at church yesterday. Had I been more of a supernatural, I would have enough capacity to understand other humans and be extra patient with them when needed. I wouldn’t even have to worry about my own flaws because I would have less of them, if not none! It was quite a fun plan to play around with in my head. Fool.
The inescapable truth is that I have the kind of patience the size of a peanut, a positivism that’s as fickle as a flickering light bulb, and an understanding that can sometimes be akin to that of a sloth’s. It’s enough to make anyone go, ‘It’s a bad time to be a human.’
Yet a single glance at the crucifix — taken in the proper context and in the proper disposition — made me feel just how loved I have been in spite myself. Do you know what that’s like? To know that you are loved in spite your mucky self? That mixed feeling of gratitude and hope is what I call elation.
If only I would acknowledge it more, then I’d be able to open my eyes to how this love raises me to a level above my own; how it sets me apart from all other things. If only I would constantly live my life in His presence, then I would be able to see this very same love in other people. I’d start seeing them through His eyes, with tender affection of patience and understanding. This very same love will free me from anger, pain, hatred, pride, arrogance, and my twisted sense of entitlement in picking on people’s flaws — as well as mine!
I was told that when people know they are loved, they feel powerful; as if they are capable of everything beyond their measly human abilities. I hope I give this love the justification it deserves. Maybe by then I could start living a life of peace with God, His children, and myself.
Must-listen: Empty Space by Bukas Palad
A mix of excitement and dread has been surfacing in me the past few weeks. I was told that life was made of little milestones, little achievements that we accomplish from one to next — step by step, like going through a supernaturally orchestrated map laid out for us. These past weeks, I have been working towards my regularization in the office — my first milestone for this year, if ever. The uncertainty has been suffocating. I sleep with it, I dream of it, and I wake up with the thought of it hovering over my head like a dark cloud. Paranoid much? Maybe. Though I have reason for it.
In the five months that I’ve worked for a publishing company, I have drawn out two general conclusions: 1) It is intensely challenging; and 2) the sense of fulfillment I get from every successful turn over and the approval I get from my superiors can be addicting. I can no longer count the number of times my writing had been called out by my publishers (I write for three, who all handle at least two titles each — all catering to different age-specific markets). To even say that it had been a constant battle against self-doubt and self-perseverance would be an understatement. But for every time I got it right, and for every time my publishers commended successful outputs from my teammates and I, a nudging desire to continue what I’m doing wells up in me.
Ever since my publisher informed me of my looming ‘D-day’ (as I call it — reference would be ‘Drop Day’ from the Band of Brothers TV series), my mindset has shifted from “I can do this”, to “I won’t give up”, and presently to “Any day now.” The assessment will happen VERY soon, and I hope that if this specific milestone was really meant for me, it would be given to me because I deserved it and my work proved worthy of my permanency in the company.
Keeping my fingers crossed.
This month of hearts:
1 Difficult decisions were made — and I was part of the back up team.
2 A crazy Valentine’s day was spent at the office with girl friends.
3 Books piled up.
4 Realized I was made for breakfast.
5 Discovered I have a doppelganger in the office.
6 Was the last month of our very reliable intern!
7 Office dramas and victories were shared.
8 It was me and shrimp against — well — me.