You have my attention.

Glad I stumbled upon this song today. It cannot be any more perfect to express what it is I’ve been feeling the past couple of months (YES, months lol).

“I’ll sing along the whole day through.

Just do your best to hear me. It’s all you can do.

You have my attention,

like you’ve had all the while,

since that first day when you made my heart smile,

with loving eyes and tired sighs that follow.”

[ C O P E L A N D ]

Thoughts and Shadows: Loosening grip.

I will always remember you, and you will remember me, just as we will remember the evening, the rain on the windows, and all the things we’ll always have because we cannot possess them.

[ B R I D A  C O E L H O ]

I had a dream yesterday. My subconscious playing with me in a not-so-nice way. It was and felt  so real to the point that the moment I opened my eyes, I burst into tears. The dream painted a very clear picture of what I have been dreading the most. And although I have conditioned myself to the possibility of eventually losing someone I’d rather not, I wasn’t able to help myself but feel fear and sadness. The only thing that stopped my bawling was this simple reminder: that nothing of this world is fully in our hands.

It is the one universal rule I try to live up to. Nothing in this world is permanent, and it is pointless to give our all in keeping everything we can within our reach. It was a reminder that my life does not belong to me but to God and He will do as He please with it for me to see, know, and love Him better. In truth,  the rest is up to Him, and the best we mortals can do is to live our lives in ultimate appreciation for every single second we are given the chance to live it. To grab every single opportunity to see Him through the people he sends us, to know Him from the trials we go through, and love Him by giving back every bit of ourselves to Him and the people He loves. Whatever happens, I should always have a grateful heart for what He gives me and ALSO for what He rightfully takes away.

If our paths completely separate soon, remember that you are one of the lighthouses God built for me. Perfectly designed to be there in my darkest hour, feet planted on the ground, unconsciously waiting for me to eventually come your way. When I did get to where He put you, you picked me up and carried me far away from the storm wreck. Without questions or hesitations, you did. You are my lighthouse. But I have always been His and He will take me wherever He plans to put me. You were meant to play a significant role in my life. That counts for a lot.

I love you.

A face to the name.

My nose was killing me last night. For the reason that this is the time of the year it chooses to go full on diva mode in the health department. Teary eyed, I made my way to the kitchen to look for some strong medication that would knock me out. It’s supposed to work — as it always had. But last night was a totally different case. Lol. Let me blame skype and the man who woke up happy. 

This has got to be the longest conversation we’ve had on Skype since he left. It feels like we had so much catching up to do (as it always does), and he was enthusiastic about showing me every single thing he could show me through the peephole for a webcam his laptop had. We talked about school, parties, the things we both got ourselves into, our families, laughed about certain memories, our impending graduation this April and May, and weather differences between my place and his. He’s gonna kill me for this, but what the hell, here’s a shot of him showing me a snowball:

Merely glancing at the shot makes me laugh! I was in awe and amazement when he went downstairs and outside his apartment to show me real snow. The scene outside his apartment was picturesque, like it popped out from some postcard. I’ve always been captivated by such sceneries, though I hold a high appreciation for gazing at it from afar, right where my hands can’t touch the icicles. He knows I have a low tolerance for the cold and I live in the Philippines, go figure how low that is. Lol. Still, I gotta remind myself to thank him again one day for showing me snow (and y’know, for everything else he’s done).